you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
