There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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