His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
