I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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