Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
