and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
