I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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