Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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