Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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