I smell stomach acid.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
