The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
