So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
