that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
