Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
