just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
