the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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