If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
