Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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