I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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