dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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