At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
