"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
