I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
