He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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