don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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