I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
