just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
