how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
