I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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