Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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