i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
