why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
