Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
