cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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