Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
