If i could tip my vagina, i would.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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