How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
