The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My dick has a subreddit
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
