Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
