You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
