I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
