no, he came in my armpit
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
