Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I enjoy the company of your penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
