I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
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