Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
