loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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