I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
