some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
