soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
