Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
